It’s funny the things that can make
you laugh in even the most horrible of situations. And trust me, it doesn’t get
much worse than the zombie apocalypse.
Ask anyone that works in a store that
plays Musak, employees hate it. Especially if it is the same songs over and
over again. Modern musak is not just a hit song performed by a small section of
classic instruments anymore. Now places have all these promos and junk that
just drive you batshit insane and makes you wish the zombies would break
through and end it all. It took us about three days to disconnect the satellite
system that broadcasts the Musak. We thought about keeping it up to see if they
would do any broadcasts but that was a no go.
For a few days, we just ran silent.
But a grocery store is a pretty big place and with no one in this place, it
gets a lot quieter than you would think. So I had this idea. Kim is a really
big music fan and she has the best iPod I have ever seen. So using the USB cord
from my aircard, we cannibalized (pun intended) every iPod, iPhone, MP3 player
and music storage device we could find. Thanks to the video department, DSD,
and the employee training centers, we have quite a few computers in this place.
So we set up one computer and freed up
all the memory we could and transferred every available song to that hard
drive. The store is set up with an intercom network. So we grabbed a phone,
dinged the trigger that activates the intercom and wedged a folded segment of
paper in it to keep the trigger depressed. Placing the receiver next to the
computer speakers, we now broadcast music that we actually like to listen to
over the speakers.
Kim went through and set up all kinds
of playlists. She selected all the mellow songs and set them to play at night
while we are sleeping. The thing with MP3 and the mix of people and all their
different music tastes, we have a pretty eclectic mix of music. And then when
Kim puts her playlists on shuffle, it becomes even more awesome.
It is not very often that you get to
hear Lady Gaga followed by Hank Williams Jr. followed by Eminem followed by
Michael Buble. Still, the music really helps people. We keep it at a low enough level so as not to
attract the zombies but not so low that you have to strain to hear it.
Surprisingly, spirits have really lifted since we brought this plan on board. We
get to sleep without earplugs. The music has helped drown the zoms out quite a
bit and it makes the nights more manageable.
So getting back to what is so funny…
We got everything set up and I know the first song played out of the random
queue came out of my MP3 player. I graduated high school in 1993 – Go Warriors!
– so I still really enjoy the ‘90s rap songs. And the first song out of the
queue was Naughty by Nature’s “Ghetto Bastard” – which some of you remember as
the radio edited version called “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright.”
The story in the song is just freakin’horrible about this kid who just lives in terrible circumstances but the chorus is a sample from this happy song that sings several times, “Everything’s gonna be alright.” So I am dancing on the aisle while I am working and thinking to myself, “Everything’s gonna be alright.” Surrounded by the undead. Don’t even know what tomorrow will bring. But this song made me laugh as I thought the same thing Trech asks, “Why me, huh? Why me?”
