I don’t want to waste a bunch of time
talking about how there is no such thing as zombies. Tell that to the mindless
things shuffling outside our doors and see if you can convince them they don’t
exist. While you are at it, go ahead and slather yourself with barbeque sauce.
I am sure things will turn out well.
Okay, I am not a medical expert but I
play one on television. My medical knowledge is limited to what I have seen on
televisions shows like ER, House or Scrubs. In fact, when my wife was going
to nursing school, when the doctor on TV would ask the interns a medical
question, I would pause the show to see if she could answer it. So I know a
little bit about uric acid, meningitis, and how too much pure protein turns
your gas into a Level 4 biohazard. (I know that thanks to Lance.) But this is
what we are dealing with. I don’t know who it was amongst us that threw out the
word zombie
– it might have been me but I am not certain. But that is the closest word I
can find to accurately describe what we are up against.
If we have an advantage, it is that
all of us have seen Dawn of the Dead
or Land of the Dead or The Walking Dead or any movie with
“Dead” in the title enough that we were able to act quickly in sealing
ourselves off from the infection. And it wasn’t like the warning signs weren’t
out there. The bath salt craze of 2012. The CDC website postings?
I mean all good science fiction is
grounded in science. Maybe the same thing happened here. Maybe all those horror
movies were grounded in medical science as far as the transferring of the virus
and we got into a case of art imitating life and now life is imitating art. Who
knows? Maybe film guys like George Romero or Zack Snyder were privy to some top
secret information. Maybe there are documented cases that just never made it
into the public. Maybe it is in that President’s Book of Secrets that Nicholas
Cage was searching for. Maybe the CDC knows more than we do. But that is
neither here nor there. What I do know is that watching all those horror movies
definitely saved us. If we would have been caught completely by surprise, there
is a pretty solid chance all of us would be dead. We reacted pretty quickly. We
didn’t stand around in horror as these things flooded inside the store. Hell
no. We locked the doors and started barricading. And we have already started
noticed distinctions between what Hollywood got
right and what Hollywood
I just kept thinking about the Zombie Halloween episode of COMMUNITY and how that group knew in about two seconds that they were dealing with zombies. We reacted in a pretty similar fashion.
I just kept thinking about the Zombie Halloween episode of COMMUNITY and how that group knew in about two seconds that they were dealing with zombies. We reacted in a pretty similar fashion.
So for the uninitiated or those
looking to chronicle this story for the history books, these “creatures” were
once human beings. I know that because I have personally watched people turn. But
I want to address the single most important thing about these zoms right here
and now. For all I know, this is information that will help save your life. So
here it is…
Shoot
them in the head.
What you see in the movies appears to
be true. A shot to the head puts the zombie down. That is the only surefire way
to stop them. So whatever you want to call this disease, once the affliction
takes hold, in order to put these things down, you have to shoot them in the
head. I know the movies and video games make it look easy but it is much harder
than it looks in real life. You have to scramble the brain. If that means
gunshots, sledge hammers, do whatever. Destroy the brain, you destroy the
zombie.
Because of this strategy, one of these
horrors by itself is relatively easy to take down. Okay, I am not going to say
that it is done easily but it can be done. But if you get in a pack of twenty
of them or a hundred of them… Well, you have to reload sometime and that is
when they are going to get you.
So, don’t mess around. Shoot ‘em in
the head.
More soon…
And in case you didn’t know what I was
talking about earlier:
