Day 216 – Looking for a Little Closure

I’ve never been good with “never.” My mind has difficulty wrapping my head around the concept of never. Like, when I was a senior in high school, there was this smoking hot foreign exchange student from Germany. She was so good looking. A true knock out in every sense of the word. And when senior year was over, she went back to Germany. I never saw her again. I suppose I probably should have tried to find her on Facebook but I just never got around to it. If the Kharon epidemic is indeed a global pandemic, there is a very real chance that she is gone. But as of right now, I don’t know.

It is much the same thing with my father, my sister, and all those family members that were spread across the country when all this broke. Are they all alive? Are they as worried about me as I am about them?

When Fred checked out, he was gone. That was it. When we lost Keith, he was gone. That was it. With Sharon up and leaving, there is no final chapter for her… at least, not in our story. We don’t know if she is alive. We don’t know if she made it to her place and if Doug was still there. For all we know, she could have been hit by a shamble in Spavinaw and never made it outside of Mayes County.

What is it about human nature that requires closure? We saw it all the time in the justice system. We were looking for someone to blame. This went wrong. Who is responsible? These people. What should we do? Make them pay. Case closed. We all moved on.  What is it in the human psyche that requires closure?

In a way – and don’t take this wrong – but it was easier to deal with Fred’s departure than Sharon’s because of the finality. My mind does not wander wondering what happened to Fred. He was here, he got bit, and he is gone. Case closed. Yes, I do still miss him. There are times where memories will spark and I will smile. I will think of him and I miss his leadership. But then we just move on because we know that Fred is gone and there is no coming back.

Now, Sharon left yesterday. It is possible that she got to her place and found Doug was gone. She may have decided to spend the night in her own bed and in the morning she will pack up and head back to us. It is possible. But we have no idea what will become of her.

Is my dad alive and trying to make it here from Germany? Surely if my sister was alive in Oklahoma City, she could have made it here by now. Or is she holed up in a supermarket somewhere wondering what has happened to me?

You just don’t know and that whole thing just drives you crazy. Is Dillon dead? Odds are, statistically speaking, since he hasn’t shown back up yet, you have to assume so… but then, anything could happen. You just never know. And, damn, is it frustrating. 

Day 215 – Sharon’s Departure

This morning, we all gave Sharon a nice sendoff as she decided to head out to track down her husband at their lake home that is well over an hour away from our location. It is one of those things where no one wanted her to leave but no one wanted to hold her back from going after her family.

We gave her two weapons, a small collection of ammo, food, some water, and a nicely equipped and well running vehicle. We didn’t want her to break down somewhere out on the highway.

It is one of those things where she could come back. She could show up, see the farm overrun, then just turn around, and come back. It is possible. But what we are anticipating is that we will never see her again.

We all are wishing her well and I hope for the best for her. I hope that she finds her husband alive and well and they get to ride off into the sunset together. I am not going to list her as a lost member like we did with Fred and Dillon because for all we know, she could ride this thing out better than we can. You never know.

Regardless, Sharon, thank you for everything. We love you. Godspeed.

Day 214 – Happy Thanksgiving

Growing up, one of my best friends in the world was Justin Johnson. His family ran a slaughterhouse so meat was always a staple in their household. And, dude, his mom was unbelievable. I always said that if we could have put Rosa Lee’s talents into Pamela Anderson’s body, you would have the ultimate female. (Note: These comments were made back in 1993. This was when Pamela Anderson was one of the hottest women on the planet.) We could come in from playing basketball at 1:00 in the morning and Rosa would be like, “Do you want gravy on the mashed potatoes?”  Life in the Johnson household was blue collar and simple. And I absolutely LOVED it. When it was time to eat, you had to jockey for position and dig in, otherwise, you went without. It was paper plates and thin napkins and food that was the very definition of “comfort.”

Then you had my mom and dad. On holidays, it was tablecloths and cloth napkins in a napkin holder and wine carafes and things like Turducken. (Yeah, even Microsoft Word didn’t recognize that name. I am not saying that one was better than the other. It was just very different.

Rosa had her buttered noodles and my mom had her sweet potatoes with glaze and marshmallow topping.  But I could be comfortable at either table.

Because of the situation, we have been living “Johnson” style for the last 214 days. Plastic cups, plastic silverware, paper plates. I know it is probably not the most eco-friendly lifestyle but we literally have thousands of paper plates and plastic forks to go through. Dishes were never in big demand on the sortie missions. And everyone has been comfortable with this lifestyle because what else are you going to do.

Well, the girls decided to change some things up and they are breaking out all the fancy thick paper plates and salvaging any real utensils we can find amongst the store’s stock on the shelves. We have even agreed to break into a few of the candles we saved back for when the power goes out just so the table can look nice. I think it is a sacrifice we can make for this one very important meal.

I am anticipating that time honored tradition where we go around the table and say what we are thankful for. I am thinking about pulling a Jim Belushi and saying “The Cubs winning the World Series and big tits.” I can guarantee no one else is going to say that and it would add some humor to things… but at the same time, I don’t want to trivialize things and I also do want to feel like I am rubbing people’s noses in things.

So many have lost so many. How can I look at these people in the eye and say, “I am thankful for my son”? Truly, I am. The fact that he survived and made it here has pushed me to accomplish things when I wanted to give up. I probably would be a lot more careless if he wasn’t with me. He is a reason for me to get up every day and make sure we are all remaining safe and secure.

I guess like all things, I will say what comes to mind within the moment. I will feel out the table and if they need a laugh, I’ll use it. More than anything, I am lucky to be alive. If you are reading this, then you have made it too and you are one of the lucky ones. So to you and yours, Happy Thanksgiving…

Day 213 – Zombiology 101: (Special Wednesday Edition!) Alpha Males

I think we have covered in here several times about the dangers of a zombie horde. I’ve talked about how zoms are little more than cattle and they do tend to wander around in packs. What one zom is doing, other zoms will do. The larger that horde gets, the more inclusive it becomes.

For instance, if the zombified town of Adair started migrating towards Pryor, there is a pretty good chance that they are going to pick up quite a few zombified residence of Pryor on their way to Chouteau. If the city of Tulsa is migrating through Pryor, there is a pretty good chance that once the horde shambles through, pretty much all zombies capable of locomotion will shamble off with them.

My theory is that if the food source in Pryor has dried up and a horde shambles through, Pryor Zoms will think to themselves, “We don’t know what to do now but these guys seem to be shambling in a direction. They must have a good reason. Let’s go with them.” This is our reasoning why places like Vinita, Foyil and Disney are cleaned out of zoms. Obviously, some zoms have sustained more damage than others and they cannot keep up. The packs are like old Indian tribes. If you cannot keep up, you are left behind. Other zoms might be contained/trapped in building and therefore cannot join the horde.

But the question that I have is: Who is leading these hordes and how do they know where they are going?

As usual, we have a theory. For reasons that we have yet to deduce, it seems as if some zombies do seem to be more intelligent than others. Maybe the better term is “intuitive.” I don’t want to convey the theory that some zoms are less zombified than other zoms, like they are holding on to more of their humanity than others. We have seen zero evidence of that. I don’t want you to think of the Hollywood Land of the Dead movie theory where zombies start figuring out how to use guns. That crap is preposterous.

However, there are some zoms that seem to sense that we are in this grocery store. I have explained how we have limited our visual exposure to keep zoms from hunting us via sight and we do our best to keep our noise signature reduced. Yet, despite all our best efforts there have been some zoms that seem to make a beeline for us as if they know we are in here.   

They could be locals that have some sort of residual sense memories and equate this place with food. Maybe they have some sort of sixth sense regarding living human beings. We can only speculate. Maybe the zoms that that have this sixth sense are what end up becoming their Alpha Males. We may never know.

Just be cautious and put them down quick because you don’t want the sheep following that shepherd to your doorstep. Put them down fast and quiet so the herd will move on…

Day 212 – FoS: Break Room



Break Room: Located in Orange

Looking over my map, I realized that I told you guys what we did with the break room and how we converted it over to a private bedroom but I never told you where it was. You can see it on the map in Orange. As you can see by the map it is about 20x12 so that is a really descent sized room. Granted that King sized bed takes up a pretty significant portion but it is still bigger than the bedroom that I had in my house.

And it is amazing the transformation that it went through. Before all this, the space was lined with this plastic/industrial paneling that you could soak with 409 and scrub down with a scrub brush. There was a cabinet for condiments and plastic silverware with a microwave and there was a full sized pop machine. And then there was a single table for everyone to sit around with a collection of plastic chairs that quite frankly had seen better days.

Then the crew went through and did their total transformation. It is amazing how the place actually seems like a real bedroom. I have spent a few nights in the private room and it is quite amazing when you wake up in that King bed. You can almost forget that outside world for a few moments.

With a locking door and a small window within the door, you can sleep soundly knowing that you are safe inside and you can give a quick look outside before you open the door to make sure that the hallway is clear before you open it. Again, better safe than sorry.

It is a small slice of home away from home.

Day 211 – Our Anti-Claustrophobia Answer

Last week were discussing how the option of the “Langley Project” was infeasible because of the wide open spaces that we have. If we were down in Tulsa and we had alleyways and large buildings that we were barricading, we could probably make that option work. But the tallest building in Langley is only two stories and there are just too many wide open spaces.

However, I think that where we are at right now, it is not tremendously necessary. I can easily say that they ceiling of our store is over twenty feet high. I haven’t broken out the tape measurer but with the height of the shelves and the space above for back stock, it is well over twenty feet. Then you have the thousands of square feet that we have here in the store and as the stock levels diminish, we break down sections, making the spaces even wider and more open. So, claustrophobia is not a tremendous issue. Even if it does become an issue, people can go up to the roof where you can literally run laps if you want to.

I think part of the issue is mental. Once you tell someone that you cannot do something, there seems to be some sort of switch that flips in a brain. Just because they cannot do something, they want to do it more. It could be a “forbidden fruit” thing. It could be the allure of something being illegal. I can guarantee you, I drank more between the ages of seventeen and twenty-one than I did from twenty-one to present. But this situation is different because if you go outside, there is a real chance that you could die.

I could see where this could be a problem if we were all riding this thing out in a spider hole. If we were all crammed in a small home and living on top of one another, I could see how this would be a terrible situation but this place is so large, you can find quiet places and be by yourself if need some solitary time. We have enough people to properly defend our home if we need to and easily maintain things. But yet there are no so many of us that our supplies are deleting out an alarming pace or that you cannot just get away from everyone if you need to.  

I know I have said this before but I will say it again. If you are going to be trapped somewhere in the zombie apocalypse, a grocery store is a pretty good place to be…

Day 209 – Dealing With Depression Through Bullets

In keeping with my whole honesty theme, I have to admit that the stress of being the leading voice for our collection of survivors can be very difficult. 

Jennifer is trying to help me with medication but I am just not feeling it. The meds do help me sleep but the stress of everything that is going on seems like it is weighing heavily. I have been searching for ways to deal with everything that has been going on.

I have been trying to find a way to vent my stress. Some people might punch a heavy bag or break things. I have found that putting a bullet between the eyes of these walking monstrosities is wonderfully cathartic.

Now, the rule with the zoms is to put a bullet in the head. Destroying the brain destroys the zombie. It is the only fool proof way to put them down. But this is harder than it looks. I know horror movies show their heroes running through the streets shooting at zombies trying to block their path and scoring shots right in the middle of the forehead with every bullet fired. This is much harder than Hollywood makes it look. Even with a steady mounting, a powerful scope, and a slow moving, unsuspecting target, this is not an easy shot to make.

I don’t want to sound like a serial killer but there is something tremendously cathartic about blocking out everything else around you and just focusing on only what is through that scope. All the problems you are experiencing, you can just block all that out and focus on everything that is within the circle of that scope.

Then… BLAM!

Now, you are dropping zoms. So you can say that you are doing it for the good of the group but, truth be told, I am doing it because I pin my problems on these zoms and then blow their brains out.

Yes, I am aware that this makes me sound like a serial killer but you do what you have to do to get your grip on your sanity.

Day 208 – Sharon’s Inevitable Decision

On Monday, Sharon whispered to me that she was planning on leaving. She brought me this information in confidence and I promised myself that I would let her tell the group her intentions. I honored that promise.

Today, at breakfast, Sharon told the group what she was doing. She even told them the timetable of the departure. She will be leaving after Thanksgiving. There were all the usual rounds of discussion. People asked her to stay and they did all the pro and con arguments. I remained very quiet as our group tried to convince her to stay. I know their pleas were coming from a place of love and compassion.

But what I have learned living with Sharon for the last 208 days is that once she sets her mind to something, nothing is changing it. Even before everything fell apart, I always told myself that I loved Sharon. I would have long conversations with her in the break room if we had lunch at the same time. She would always give hugs and pats on the back and we could always make each other laugh… But I didn’t want to work for her.

I got the impression that she was a bit of a taskmaster but in a good way. She ran a tight ship in the bakery department. That is why she always made her numbers. She was respected by her employees and maybe even a little bit feared. But that department was a well-oiled machine.

When she came to me on Monday to tell me about her plan, she asked for my help in quelling any sort of desire to “make her stay.” Others would no doubt be upset about her departure but with me lending my voice of support, others may fall into line.

Thankfully, almost everyone understood her reasoning. I feel this is a very good thing because Sharon is that type of person that once she makes her decision, there is no talking her out of it. I will admit that I do admire her determination. Obviously the group is bummed out about this but everyone kind of adopted the attitude of “If she has to go, she has to go.”  Now, this is my fear. Back when I was playing World of Warcraft, I would take part in these random raids where twenty-five people would get together for a random raid. But if things went poorly or the raid wasn’t doing well, some people would opt to just abruptly leave. And once that first person bailed out, it could start a domino effect and the whole thing could fall apart.

Sharon leaving could prompt an exodus, especially when the weather turns cold and we can travel a little more freely with the zombie frozen in place by plunging temperatures. I will not stop anyone from leaving. If they want to leave, there is no reason to force them to stay. But I know what we have here. I know the safety. I know the food.

Every last one of our group can leave if they wish but Alex and I are going to honor the one year plan. In fact, if everyone left, Alex and I could stay for a considerable amount of time if we had to. The plan is solid. We are sticking with it…

Day 207 – Zombiology 101: Things That Go Bump in the Night

I think everyone has seen at least one horror/monster movie in their life. And we all know that moment where the monster bursts out of the shadows and the orchestra score does something abrupt and jolting to startle you out of your seat.

Thankfully, in our case, Hollywood got it wrong and if you want to survive, one of the best things you can do is not overthink things. I don’t want to lull you into a false sense of security but these are not rocket scientists you are dealing with. They are dumb, simplistic creatures that are running on the most natural base instinct.

They do not lurk in the shadows. They do not spring traps. They are not even capable of understanding what a trap is. And so while it may be as scary as hell on the movie screen, it just doesn’t work this way in the Zom’Poc World.

Now, I hope you have been paying attention when we’ve talked about how zoms will power down with no stimulant present. So consider this scenario. Imagine you have avoided the shambling hordes that are out looking for food. You retreat into a secluded apartment complex that kept out a lot of the surrounding traffic noise by its architectural design. Now, Zom Melly Mel was bit, turned, and is now locked inside his apartment.

So you get inside the kitchen and you are rattling around looking for canned goods. And you are making quite a bit of noise when you do it. There are no traps laid. He does not lie on the bed pretending to be dead so he can jump up and grab you at the most opportune moment. The zombie brain doesn’t function like that.

In his zom brain, he heard the rattling of the canned goods and the opening and closing of cabinets. When that happens, his tiny brain kicked on and said, “Wake up, old chap, there might be a spot of meat over there, there might. Let’s go have a look see, shall we?” [Don’t ask me why zombies think with a British accent.]

So he powers up and begins shuffling in search of more meat. Now, this is why I bring this fact to your attention. More than likely, if you have managed to stay alive this long, you have clearly learned to stay off their radar. You can sneak and skulk and commit skullduggery with the best of them. But being too quiet and too stealthy can be a danger.

It has been my experience that zoms are not too much different from people in that some people need glasses and hearing aids. Others do not. Some zoms are incredibly perceptive. Others, be it natural abilities or the degeneration brought on by decay, are not.

So, as strange as this sounds… Knock.

Now, I am not saying you want to storm in a place all hootin’ and hollerin’ so that you bring in every zom in four counties. But sometimes, a simple knock at the door will get them up and moving. Surprise attacks are one thing but the last thing you want to do is get caught off guard.

Keep that in mind. Happy hunting. 

Day 206 – Depression, a Kind Hand, & Bullets

I find that I have been sleeping a lot lately. Maybe it is the fact that the days are getting shorter. I still get up at the same time but I feel like I am turning in earlier than usual and naps are being taken more often. And I am not taking the naps because I need them… I think it is more because I don’t want to face the reality of my situation. The sad thing is that I acknowledge that this is happening but I still find myself crawling into bed and it is not even like I am crawling in there with someone.

I am trying to function and stay strong for Alex. I feel like since the loss of Fred, people are still looking to me for leadership but my leadership skills have not really been tested yet. People are in routines now and our living conditions are tolerable. The more comfortable we become, the more downtime we have. And during that downtime, reality comes creeping in. I am struggling with the inevitable loss of anyone and everyone that is not in this store. I would rather sleep than face the reality of my situation.

Despite my best attempts to hide this from the group, apparently I don’t have much of a poker face. I guess this is pretty evident to the group because Shala seems to go out of her way to come around to check on me. Then, Jennifer came to me quietly while Alex was up on the roof with Lance, Kasondra and Brad. Having full access to the pharmacy, she handed me a prescription bottle filled with these blue capsules.

She wants me to get on an antidepressant. I guess knowing me from before the zombie apocalypse and seeing me now – this shell of my former self – she wanted me to get back on even keel. I am not anti-drug and I am sure they helped millions of people every year. I know they tremendously helped both my sister and sister-in-law. But I see medicine for depression being effective when it is anxiety or depression that cannot be explained. “I just won the lottery… and I want to kill myself.” You should be happy as all get out. And if you are not, then something must be wrong and maybe medication is best for you.

But I am not depressed because of some chemical imbalance. I am depressed because my family members might be wandering around as flesh-eating zombies. We know that Oklahoma City has been overrun. And this stage, I am sure more than a few have shambled out to the suburb of Piedmont. Are a horde of these things are pounding on the front door of my sister’s house right now trying to get at her and her three kids? And if so, what am I doing about it?

Lance seems happy as a pig in slop because he spends a considerable amount of time on the roof picking off zoms and bragging about head shots. Maybe I need to turn my attention towards something productive. Still, I look at the pictures I keep in my wallet. I look at the pics on my cell phone of my dad, his wife, my sister and her three kids. And then I scroll through to the pictures of my mom.

Is she better off having passed away before all of this tragedy took place? I know she looks down on me from heaven. For all I know, my dad, my sister, and my whole family are with them. It hurts. It hurts so much it is like I want to tear my own heart out of my chest. And I just want to sleep. Even now, I want to lie down. I just cannot take it anymore.

I need to be strong for my son. I cannot let him see me weak. But there are times where I don’t even want to wake up in the morning. I thought I was past all that pain but for reasons I cannot explain, feelings just seem compounded and multiplied and I cannot explain why. Where do I go from here?

Day 205 – The Fortress: DSD

DSD Office: Yellow at the top of the map. Also, bathrooms are in red.

The DSD office is located at the top of the map in yellow. I cannot remember what DSD stands for but it was basically the home of the checking computer system. It was home to the computers that told the registers what stuff cost when a register would scan the UPC Codes. It was a small office where two ladies worked to maintain all the computer operations. Both Lisa and Toni fled the store before the lockdown since their cars were both parked out back. I wonder if they made it or if they are safe?

Now, the office is fairly well insulated with closing doors and such and with the computers just designed to operate the registers, this place could have become a big, useless void within the store… but then we broke out the USB cords.

Today, this is the station that Kim runs her “DJ Studio” out of. In case you forgot, fairly early into this thing, we cut off the Musak that was pumped in via satellite to keep us all from going bonkers. We then put every MB of music onto a single computer in the DSD office. It is amazing the amount of music that people carry around in their smart phones these days.

Well, using the intercom system to broadcast around the store, we just locked the phone intercom to broadcast and then placed the phone by the computer’s speakers. The set up works pretty darn well and it having all that music certainly alleviates some of the doldrums. Kim does this really great job of finding the right volume level. She sets the volume to the perfect ambient level for sleeping and then she cranks it when a good song comes along that everyone enjoys. This is also how we broadcast music for Dance Party Thursdays which we always hold in the back room because of the space.

And I figure that we need to enjoy the music while we can. There is no telling what we will get to keep and what we will lose when the power goes out.

Day 204 – Losing Another Member Soon…

I guess I need to confess a secret here because members of our group do not read these entries. Sharon recently confessed to me that she is planning on leaving or group and she has asked for my help to make sure that this happens.

Before Zero Hour, Sharon would commute about an hour to Langley from a place that her and her husband Doug share on a lake. It is a farm place with well water, chickens, some goats, a pretty large vegetable garden and the whole of their property is fenced off with some pretty heavy duty fencing. This is not like your standard cattle barbed wire but more along the lines of metal tubing that would hold back horses if necessary. It is not like the property was fenced off with a rock wall or anything but the place could be highly defensible and self-sustaining. Plus, Doug is no stranger to weapons. If Doug could have got the gate closed early, there is a very real chance he is alive and possibly thriving on their farm. Sharon believes this whole-heartedly.   

Her plan is to load up a few supplies and use one of the cars from the parking lot to make the trek back to her place. She hasn’t said when she is leaving but she led me to believe that it is going to be soon.

We have already lost the father of the group in Fred and now we are losing the mother. I tried to I try to talk her out of it but it about three sentences into the conversation, I could tell her mind is made up. I cannot really fault her. She wants to go find out if Doug is alive. It is an isolated homestead. It is not like Tommy who would have to wade through who knows how many zombies in residential Claremore…

And I know this is going to sound horrible to say but she has taught as all she knows. I mean from the beginning, Sharon had a lot of our group in the kitchen, showing us how she did things cooking wise. Maybe she had it in the back of her mind all along that this was going to be the grand plan so she was building some redundancy into the system regarding her role within our family.

I am going to be pissed to see her leave but I understand why she is doing it. And she told me that if she shows up and Doug is gone or if the place is overrun, she can always just turn around and drive back. So, in a way, strange as this sounds, I hope I don’t see her again. I hope she shows up and Doug is outside chopping wood to keep the fireplace going and keep the place warm.

So, for now, we can just enjoy Sharon’s presence. I am not going to tell the rest of the group. I will let her tell them but I appreciate the fact that she came to tell me in person about her plans but she also looking for me to give approval to her plan. She wants me to stand beside her in case the group reacts poorly and wants to talk her out of it. And I have agreed.

I guess in that way it means that I am growing into my role as the leader.  Still, I am going to miss her…

Day 202 – Julia Robert’s “Rose Petal Magic.”

This past week’s Zombiology 101 article on mortuary bodies got me thinking and I need to be crystal clear on this point. It is easy to look back now and see the obvious thing that we are supposed to do to survive the zombie apocalypse. I saw a posting one time with the cast of the television show The Walking Dead with text over it saying, “Why don’t people in a zombie movie act like they are in a zombie movie?”

I thought it was one of the dumbest statements ever.

Okay, first of all, I have rarely gone and seen a movie knowing absolutely nothing about it or not having seen at least a commercial for it. Hell, I watched the trailer for Iron Man 3 so many times on YouTube, I lost count. If you are going in to watch a movie with “zombie” or “dead” in the title and you see zombies in the previews, you pretty much know what you are getting into.

But from a realistic point of view, all zombie movies have to have those moments of disbelief from the characters before they come to grips with what they are dealing with. Now, as an audience member, you know they are dealing with zombies and so of course, you are saying, “Just shoot them in the head!” You have knowledge that they don’t so it seems all too obvious to you.

But it is a Monday morning. You’ve only had one cup of coffee, you stayed up to late watching all the scouting reports for the Oklahoma Sooners, and then you get a call that a crazy, homeless person has bitten a customer out in the parking lot. Naturally, you go to investigate. This is exactly what happened with our Store Director Charley Montgomery.

So Charley walks outside and sees crazy homeless person. And what is the first thought that came to mind? “I must destroy this person’s brain!” You wouldn’t think that in a million years.

Imagine a movie that stars Julia Roberts, Helen Mirren, and Reese Witherspoon and in the trailer, all you see is them going on a road trip and getting in crazy, wacky situations where they learn to love one another and themselves. And it has some sort of dainty title like “Rose Petal Magic” or “My Sister June.” And for three quarters of the movie, it is all rom-com hijinks and long talks while sitting on the hood of a vintage Cadillac talking about how they learned to get over their abusive boyfriends.

And, in the last fifteen minutes, they pull into a parking lot of a local mall. Reese pops the trunk, pulls out all sorts of medieval-style weapons that clearly resemble large sculpted phalluses, looks in the camera and says, “It’s clobberin’ time.” And then these three ladies proceed to bash and maim the entire staff and shoppers within the local Hot Topic with their penis-looking weapons. And just as Helen Mirren strips all her clothes and slathers herself in gore, blood, and viscous ichor, the scene fades to black. No one would move in the theater for two minutes while the credits rolled. I guarantee it.

You would sit there, mortified, whispering, “What the f**k?” Yeah, well, that is how we felt when this whole thing hit.

In retrospect, we did have zombie movies to fall back on. We knew pretty quick was going on. We got tossed in the middle of it and had to learn how to adapt quickly. But for all those people that got caught in that initial opening salvo? Hey, they got got.

If only we knew then what we know now…

Day 201 – The Five Languages

So, I have been nothing but honest on this blog since the beginning. There have been a few times in my life where I have struggled with legitimate bouts of depression. I’ve always worked through it but it has happened enough to where I can sense a spell coming on.  But I have been thinking about Sweet Brown and her trademark line, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” So I have just been trying to power through.

Last night, I was up on the roof to watch the sunset because I figure the fresh air and such would be very tranquil and soothing. So I sitting on the west side of the store and Hobbit Judy comes up to smoke. She knows I hate it. Very politely, she waited to smoke. We just sat and looked out to the west as the sun dipped below the treeline. She held my hand. Not in a creepy way, nothing sexual. Just the joy of human contact. She put her head on my shoulder. And I couldn’t help but put an arm around her. We just enjoyed the sunset.

This guy wrote this book one time about the five love languages, the five different ways that people show love. One of the five ways is physical contact. I realized that after some pretty tough times in my life that contact was my primary love language. A lot of people equate physical contact with sex. And while sex is an important part of that, it is not the only part. Way back when I was married (that seems like an eternity now), every night when it was time to go to bed, I would roll over to my side and my wife would rub on my back until I fell asleep. It would usually only take a few minutes and I would be out. I used to love to sit on the couch and hold hands. I wanted her hand on my leg in the movie theater. And I would return the favor too. There was nothing I liked more than brushing her hair while we watched TV and I was always very physically affectionate.

I guess it goes back to my parents because I remember as a kid always telling my sister, “Ewwww, Mom & Dad are kissing.” They were always giving each other hugs and kisses and sat close to each other.

My wife is gone. My dad is gone. My sister is gone. For all I know, at this point Alex is all I have left. And right now, we live in a world where physical contact with certain creatures is a death sentence. And you don’t just die… You die horribly.

So the concept of physical touch seems to be a dying thing. When Judy took a seat beside me we did the standard small talk but from the moment the bottom of the sun kissed the horizon until it completely disappeared behind the tree line, neither one of us said a word. We just sat in complete silence, her head on my shoulder, my arm around her, each holding the other’s hand. Again, there was nothing sexual. No creepiness. Just two human beings watching the world turn.

I have forgotten what it is like to have that human contact. The world has changed so much, that touchy-feely aspect has seemed to have been completely lost. Granted, it is for good reason. Some people out there didn’t like to be touched before the world became infested with ravenous meat bags. But this is one aspect that I would like to try to hang on to.  

To be honest, I don’t how. I don’t even know where to begin. I hug my son often. Not so much that he becomes uncomfortable but enough for him to know that I love him. It won’t be too much longer and he will probably rival me in height and size, so I have to do it now.

I guess the trick to surviving this whole thing is to treat it like the alcoholics… One day at a time.

Day 200 – Zombiology 101: Mortuaries vs. Rotting Corpses

200 days in. That is a pretty amazing accomplishment when you stop and look at it. Still, there are moments where it seems like Zero Hour just hit yesterday. And during that time… the fear… My God, the fear. I remember more than anything. I remember standing next to Kasondra, looking out of our front entrances as these zoms just relentlessly pounded against the glass.

You have to consider that with the exception of the body trauma experienced during the time between death and reanimation, most of the zoms that hit us first did not look like corpses. Not enough time had passed for them to turn gangly and necrotic. Their eyes had this glassy tint to them and the irises and corneas had started to get those yellow clouds in them but they still looked alive.

Thankfully, before all of this, I had only been to a small handful of funerals but even then, the bodies had been prepared by a mortician and had make up on them and such. It was easier to see the zoms more as human beings way back then.

But now – two hundred days into this pandemic – it is impossible not to see these shambling corpses as the enemy. You don’t even think about them as human beings anymore. They are just targets to be dropped either by bullet or by the working end of your melee weapon.

None of us are scientists. We cannot tell if these bodies are more preserved or farther along in their rotting timetable than they should be. The skin is much grayer in tone. Occasionally you still come across some with more flesh tones and that blotchy yellow mottled color but the farther we spiral down into this nightmare, the easier it is to distinguish the enemy.

Their decomposition has made their gaits even more unbalanced and staggering. It makes for melee combat to be slightly more to our advantage. If you strike swiftly and silently, you can still capture the advantage. But they still have the advantage of numbers and their relentless march.  

Put ‘em down, guys.

Day 199 – The Langley Project

A few weeks ago, I made a comment about The Carbone Initiative and our plan to go through and completely clear out Langley when the winter freezes hit. It is a good plan and with the weather on our side, it is possible… or so I thought. Then that shambling horde came staggering through last Wednesday.

Langley is the very definition of a small town. If you looked around, pre-Apocalypse, we featured two major fast food chains. We had a Sonic and a Subway. We had a few sit-down restaurants, a few greasy spoons, the local donut shop, and both convenience stores featured in house pizza places (a Mazzio’s and a Simple Simon’s). We had a liquor store (catering to lake people), a cellular phone place, a hardware store, a lumber yard, the Dollar General , a pawn shop, too many antique shops and flea markets, the flower store, a Laundromat, more than a few local places to get your car fixed. Langley had one drive-in motel and the resort place that we looted for mattresses and linens back in our first sortie mission. We had all the basic business that you come to expect in a small town. And then there was the population.

But here is the kicker. All these businesses are all stand-alone joints. They are set up in their own structures. There are very few confined areas with buildings all stacked alongside one another. Langley actually features a lot of trees and large swaths of wooded areas. This is not like Manhattan where there are no alleyways because every inch of real estate is fought for. Hell, if you look the north and east of our store, you can throw a rock and it will land where cattle could graze. This is not a city by any stretch of the imagination.

What this means is that when the outbreak hit, the immediate population of Langley only numbered around 800. Now, granted, in the surrounding areas, you have Ketchum, Disney, Pensacola, and then if you keep spiraling outward you can add in Adair, Spavinaw (birthplace of Mickey Mantle woo!), Eucha (pronounced Oo-chee)… So we have an intense surrounding population but even all these cities cannot compare to dropping our group in the middle of downtown Tulsa or Oklahoma City.

But here is the problem, with all of these open spaces, it is impossible for us to wall off Langley. Sure, we could barricade the highways with abandoned vehicles but all that does is stop living people who might need our help. A few cars with flattened tires and pulled out batteries aren’t going to stop a zombie from just shambling into the ditch. There are too many woods and open plains around us that would be too easy to navigate through.

And Eric and his crew? Riding on that shredded tire? Coming across a barricade would have sentenced them all to death.

So despite all our best efforts to secure Langley, we are completely at the mercy of any shambling horde that might come staggering through. Even if we kill every zom in Langley, a horde of 200 or 2,000 could come through and all our work is undone. We have barricades. We have cars blocking the entrance to the doors. Sheer physics should state that there is not enough surface area and enough coordination for the zoms to break through. We should be safe… but what if there is a threat we have not seen that we have not anticipated?    

Day 198 – FoS: The Holiest of Holies



Just look for the gold coloring and you will see it....

If you look on the map I have attached with this entry, you will find a section marked with a glowing golden color. That is for one reason and one reason alone as you can tell by its label: BEER.

This 24x12x12 refrigerated cooler is fiercely guarded with its contents inventoried daily and checked daily to maintain a perfect 33-degrees. It is not guarded for fear of people stealing the contents. It is guarded to make sure that we have enough to last!!! Jeez, are we alcoholics or what?

In truth, I don’t blame a lot of the people for wanting to knock back a cold one every once in a while. Because of Oklahoma liquor laws, grocery stores can only carry 3.2 beer and no liquor of any kind. So I think it might be obvious (for someone that lives out of state) why the crew was pretty intent on sacking that liquor store that is on the south end of the parking lot next to the convenience store.  

We carry all the mixes and such to make well drinks here in the store but just not the liquor. So the crew took every opportunity when the coast was clear to skulk over to the liquor store with shopping carts while our snipers covered them from the roof. Some people were pretty particular: “I want this kind of liquor.” “Get every bottle of this brand that they have.” “And I want this kind of imported beer!”

Look, I don’t want to paint us as an entire group of lushes over here. Fred has still not touched a drop. I think Alex snuck a beer during the Fourth of July. I have never really been a big drinker myself. Even when things were falling apart for me way back when, one friend told me that my biggest problem was that I wasn’t drunk enough during that darkness.

But I see why we need it. I do. Long before all this, Kasondra talked about members in her military unit with the National Guard. Active duty guys are under so much stress all the time when they are operating, they want to be able to just relax and let loose. Well, nothing – and I mean nothing – is more stressful than looking out on a bunch of undead cannibals mulling about the parking lot waiting to devour you.

During all of our sortie runs outside, the mentality was “Is this worth dying for.”

We have all been in those stressful situations where you say, “I cannot take one more day of this!” I think we were all there with the sleeping situation. The propane run guarantees us with electrical power. The spring/early summer clothes we were all wearing during Zero Hour were not going to cut in February. And the run that Fred made that cost him his life outfitted us with more bullets than we know what to do with.

Looking back on the liquor store raid, I can say now that no one was hurt. We didn’t lose anyone. And we stockpiled things that will make life a little more tolerable down the road when it is too cold to go outside or when things look bleak. We didn’t need it to live… but, damn, that cooler sure does help.   

Day 197 – A Little More Reinforcement…

After seeing the shambling horde on Friday, everyone spent the majority of the weekend shoring up the defenses of the store. There are certain areas of the store – the steel doors where the only weak points are the steel hinges and the large, security locks – that are iron clad. As long as we keep those doors shut, there is zero chance of those doors being breached. It is just not going to happen.

However, with the weak spots like the garage roll up doors and the front entrances, we spent a lot of extra time reinforcing those areas. Even though I never took a class in high school or college to back up this theory, I still don’t think the physics are there.

Much like the Persians trying to funnel into the Hot Gates to take on the Spartans, I don’t think it matters if there are 1,000 zombies or 100,000 zombies. They do not coordinate their efforts and I don’t think there would be enough zombies that could make actual contact with a roll-up door to be able to smash it down, especially with four thousand pounds of pig iron or dog food propped up against it.

The only way I could see it working is if they went all “worker ant” mode and the ones in the back started pushing against the zoms that were pushing against the door. But I don’t think they are that smart. Could they all impact against one of the store walls and start climbing over the top of each other, forming a pyramid of bodies to reach the roof? It is possible but highly improbable.

I don’t see them having that kind of coordination. Granted, they don’t eat each other but they don’t work together either. They just do not have that kind of cognitive brain function. Now, I could see them all banging up against the concrete walls of the building like concert goers with their hands stretched out towards the roof if they could actually see a living person. If that was the case, then I could see them cramming against each other to a point where there was no daylight between them. But to actually start climbing over the top of each other? No, not enough coordination, motor skills, or cognitive brain function to pull that off.   

Now what is my real fear? That somehow, a door does get breached. If a group like that flooded inside. Step 1) Reseal the door. Step 2) Kill all the zombies inside without getting bitten. If you cannot accomplish Step 1, everything else is pointless because I think they would all just start streaming inside. Even if you managed to get to the top of the ice cream freezers and to the roof, I don’t think they would be smart enough to make it back outside and they would just remain in the store, lost amongst the aisles. There are too many nooks and crannies to explore and get lost in.

The whole store would be lost. This is why I would be nervous to investigate a place like a Walmart or a Bass Pro Shop. Maybe places like that would turn into traps where zoms can stumble in, chasing after that meat, but once inside, they would not be smart enough to figure out how to get back out, unless they witnessed enough meat outside to lure them out of the building.

Yeah, so because of this, where we barricaded with two pallets before? Now we are barricading with six. Better to be safe than sorry…

Day 195 – Trying to Stay Positive…

Normally I try to make a conscious effort to make the Saturday entries a little more upbeat or funny if I can. But after yesterday, it was like all the air was let out of our emotional balloon. The sight of a shamble of zombies that was big enough to fill a football stadium changed our opinion of everything. I want you to keep this in mind.

The town of Langley had a population of about 800 people. I cannot tell you how many zoms we have put down in the last six months. Not all of them were dropped within sight of the store. Many have been put down within the town of Langley while doing our scavenging runs. Some zoms could have migrated off and moved on to Adair, Spavinaw, Disney, or Vinita. So let’s just say that we dropped 100 zombies a month.

If every single person in Langley and the outlying areas was transformed and then came within striking distance of the store, it would be a drop in the bucket compared to the horde that we saw. 800 versus 100,000. The population of Langley versus the capacity of Cowboys Stadium.

Quite frankly, no one wanted to engage this horde because we were afraid that they would turn on us. We didn’t want to do anything that would stop their progress. They marched in and we didn’t want to stop that progression in any way but we could have just started popping them off and I think we could have run out of ammo before we ran out of targets. I don’t think we even would have had to aim. I think you could have just popped shots into that crowd and some zom would have dropped. That is how clustered they were.

Before, we honestly thought that we had a chance to ride this thing out. But what if you were out and exposed and you could ran across the path of this horde?  There is no outrunning them. There is no outflanking them.

Honestly, I have no idea how you would stop these things aside from an old school F-4 Phantom bombing run, dropping napalm on them like in an ‘80s action movie, and lighting them all on fire. I just don’t see how you could possibly deal with something like that. I cannot even think about it…

 

Day 194 – A Shamble of Zombies vs. A Shambling Horde

Today, we saw a first. I can try to explain it to you but I just don’t know if you can comprehend it. What we have experienced so far, when it comes to groupings, we are calling them a shamble. It is a collection of zoms that lurch and stagger along in a semi-cohesive group. They are slow but methodical. They have some moans but as a general rule of thumb, you cannot smell them from their distance.

What we saw today…

Okay, so there is a shamble of zombies and then there is a shambling horde. I want to try to paint you a picture. Imagine a crowd of people on Black Friday auditioning for American Idol during the halftime of the Super Bowl at Cowboys Stadium and the first thousand entrants get a free 80” hi-def TV. That is what we saw funneled onto Highway 82 that runs north to south across the front of our store.

I am not kidding when I say that there were thousands of them. Thousands. Look at a box of toothpicks. They hold about 500 toothpicks in them. Now take about ten boxes and dump them out on a table. And have each pick represent a zom. We couldn’t see daylight through them. We could have fired any shot and taken out a zom.

But truth be told, we didn’t fire one shot. We were too afraid of drawing their attention. Could they have swarmed over the cars blocking the entrance like worker ants? Could they have smashed through the glass and powered their way through? No one wanted to even chance it. So we stayed hunkered down and barely looked over the retaining wall.

Note: Kilo was a freaking champ. He didn’t growl or even issue a snuffle. He stood right next to Eric and Alex and was a statue. If he would have started barking, he could have drawn the whole horde on us. It was like he just instinctively knew when to be protective and when to shut the hell up.

As we are now 192 days in, this horde could have come from anywhere. Kansas City, Chicago, any of the major cities up north. Man, what if they are migrating? Is that possible? I mean we are still pretty warm here in Oklahoma but up north in the Dakota and Canada, I suppose it could already be wintery and freezing.

I just want to know how these things even know where they are going. Obviously, taking the highway offers them a path of least resistance. There was a few staggering in the side ditches but for the most part they all stayed on the road. The strange thing is that they actually turned down Highway 28. Why it was more appealing to head west instead of south I cannot say but they did.

Still, if there are three rogues wandering around and they see this horde, they tend to join the herd. There were a few stragglers (leg wounds, decomposing) that would get left behind. We did mop up detail on the stragglers but I am betting they attracted more to their cause than they left behind.

Still, there were thousands. Thousands. We don’t have enough ammunition. How can you fight that??? 

 

Day 193 – Zombiology 101: Zom Table Manners & Eating Habits

I know this is my second Aliens reference but I keep going back to a line from that film, where Ripley is commenting to Burke (and I am paraphrasing I think). “You know, Burke, I don’t know which species is worse. You don’t see them f**king each other over for a g-d damn percentage.” Our situation is kind of along the same lines.

For a reason that we cannot explain zombies do not eat other zombies. It is like they instinctively do not eat infected flesh. Now, if you are just bitten, believe me, you are on the lunch buffet if the zoms can get to you. But once a zom rises from the dead, the other zoms never attack them. They just become another member of the shambling horde.

Now, in between the time when a person gets bit and when they collapse and become a corpse, zoms will chow down on you if they can get to you. However, believe it or not, this is actually a good thing. Strange to say that, I know, but here is my reasoning.

If even two or three zoms get to a living person, drag it down, and cause enough damage for a person to die, they don’t just stop and quit eating after that person dies. They stay there and feast. We have found that a zom prefers living flesh to dead flesh. A live person running past a feasting zom will prompt them to get up, leave the body and chase after the living person.

But, if the zom is allowed to chow down, they can do some serious damage to a body. Try to imagine how much a stomach can hold. Now imagine that much meat missing off your calves or thighs. Pretty tough to walk on those limbs… And rarely is there just one zom feasting… As that virus makes its way through the body and then triggers the reanimation process, the newly animated zom will have suffered the trauma from the bites between death and rebirth. And I would prefer to deal with a zombie with chewed legs then a zom shuffling about on fresher legs.

However, do not let a zombie with mangled legs lull you into a false sense of security. They are easier to get away from but that does not make them any less lethal. A bite from a mangled zom corpse can infect you the exact same as a freshly animated 100% intact corpse. Now imagine a zom like that crawling through waist-high grass. Mmmhmm.

What we do not know is how they know if a moving target is a zombie or not. Can you, in fact, pull a Rick and Glen from Season One of The Walking Dead and drench yourself in zombie guts and walk among them? No one is brave enough to attempt something like that and at this point it is pretty much an unnecessary risk.

Still, it does range an interesting question and I have a bit of a theory. Do zoms have some sort of extrasensory perception? We have a theory that zoms hunt the same as normal human beings (sight, sound, smell, etc.) But if they do not attack other zoms because they do not attack their own kind, how do they know that the shambling horror next to them is an infected zom?

If they can just somehow sense that the shambling horror is infected, then wouldn’t the other side of that coin be that they can sense uninfected flesh? And if that is the case, how fine-tuned is that sense? I mean, if we are out of sight, out of smell, and out of ear shot, they should leave us alone. But if that is not the case and they can sense us, shouldn’t we start preparing for that roving horde? 

Day 192 – The Days Are Getting Shorter

Days are getting shorter. Nights are getting longer. It is starting to turn cold (especially at night) so we are buttoning up the hatches earlier. And you can go through and document in well-populated cities, when there is a major blackout, 40 weeks later, you see a massive uptick in babies being delivered. I guess people figured, “Well, honey, there’s nothing else to do…”

I gotta be honest with you, I really thought that by now this place would have turned into a rabbit hutch by now and we would have to ration the condoms. Either I am not paying attention that much or the “hooking up” has been kept to a minimum. Obviously, Kas and Brad shag like rabbits but they are technically newlyweds. Understandable.

Then there is that whole thing about people jumping into bed right after a near death experience. You see that all the time in movies. Given the age and the drive of most, I really thought this would be shag central.

I have talked about this before but when you are single, sex gets pushed to the back of your brain. When you are married and sleeping next to someone, it doesn’t really compute for a couple not to have sex on a regular basis. But when you are single and sleeping alone, it just doesn’t become top of the line priority.

Is it possible that with the world ending, this is just not high up on people’s radar? Or are they just being subtle and I am just not paying that much attention? Honestly, I don’t see this as a bad thing. The last thing I want to deal with is a pregnant chick trapped in here much less trying to deal with an infant.

Not in this world.