I was up on the roof today doing a
survey of the surrounding area. I wanted to get a little sunshine and take in a
breath of fresh air. It is amazing to me how much Langley has changed in the
space of three months.
Without people maintaining the lawns
and such, grass is already getting out of control. I know that this may seem
like a bit of cosmetic complaint but tall weeds and grasses can be pretty
dangerous if there is a zom crawling around out there with blown off feet. Have
your boots laced up if you go trudging into the high grass. It could make
looting houses a little more difficult if we have to take more time to sweep
for threats.
So while I love my time on the roof,
it is also home to something that I don’t really care for. I am not a smoker. Never
have been. So needless to say, I didn't really care when Reason's passed their
nonsmoking breathe easy policy. It didn't inconvenience me in the slightest.
Granted, one could argue that it got my boss Holly killed. After all, she was
out on a smoke break when the first shambling horde came through. Still, the
few smokers that we have amongst us continued to go outside to smoke. Only now,
they hit the roof instead of going out on the docks and out to the property
line.
However, I have a unique theory that
stands up to scientific evidence. The zoms seem to hunt using the same
faculties that we do. However, there sense of smell seems to be overly
heightened, especially when it comes to blood.
Now, if the zombie takeover had
happened in the era of the Jon Hamm show Mad
Men -- where they smoke EVERYWHERE -- maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal.
But when you get to the point where no one seems to smoke anymore, when someone
does light up, the stench can be overpowering. That acrid smell carries... For
miles it seems. And I swear the zoms smell it too...
In the evenings when the world gets
quiet (or I should say quieter) and the air is still, if someone like Hobbit
Judy goes up for a smoke, it always seems like there is a keening in the
distance. Then, after enough time has passed given the distance of the screech,
it'd always seems as if there is one loan zom shuffling along the highway in
our direction. I mean that has to stand to reason, right? You have that
unnatural smell wafting on the breeze. That is going to bring those things out
of the woodwork, especially if they are hungry.
Now, I am not talking about imposing a
ban on smoking. Hell, I think half the guys use chewing tobacco on a regular
basis and I could care less about them. I never found smoking attractive. It is
not because of the health risks. It is because it makes you STINK. You hair,
your clothes… and when it comes to kissing, no one likes licking an ashtray. But
I guess that is not really here or there. I am not doing a PSA here regarding
the dangers of smoking.
My point is that if you are hiding
somewhere and you decide to light up to try to unwind, don’t be surprised if
you start hearing clammy, decaying hands slapping against the doors or windows
of wherever you are barricaded.
You should quit smoking. I know. It killed my mom. It
stinks and by smoking, you are now literally drawing death towards you on
shambling and shuffling legs. Speaking of horrible smells, we really to figure
out what we are going to do with all these bodies in our parking lot…
