Tommy
Holt: Last year, the
department manager of Produce left after fifteen years of service. He kinda,
well, walked off the job so they replaced him with a person within the store.
This was Holly. You might not remember but Holly got hit by a pack of zoms
outside the store while on a smoke break during zero hour.
Being a new manager, Reason’s brought
in Tommy Holt to be her assistant manager. Having worked with Reason’s for over
ten years, a former department manager himself, Tommy was a needed assistant to
show Holly the ropes. He lives (or lived) over in Claremore which is a pretty
long commute.
But some dudes come along and you
click with them pretty quickly. Tommy and I have the same sense of humor. When
we worked, we would talk movies and TV and make fun of other employees and
argue about politics. He is a good guy. And he was pretty important when it
came to keeping things together in Zero Hour, I think things could have
degenerated down very quickly if not for him.
Tommy has a wife named Annie and three
really beautiful kids. I think out of everyone in the store, Tommy seems to be
the most distraught about being separated from his family. Being the major
breadwinner of the family, Tommy always knew that the long commute and the
hours at the store would keep him away from the family but now, that is a
pretty heavy weight on his soul.
You know all those clichés of “a man
never says on his deathbed saying, ‘I wish I would have spent more time at the
office.’” Well now, Tommy is carrying guilt that his time at the office may
have cost his family because he was away from them and could not protect them
when Zero Hour hit. Now, to be clear, we don’t know the status of Tommy’s
family but I know he worries about them every day.
Now the elephant in the room – no pun
intended – is that Tommy does not follow the first rule of Zombieland, which
is: Cardio. There is no real delicate way to put this. Tommy is clocking in at
over four bills. His strength is very impressive but he has difficulty making
it up the ladder that leads to the roof. Now, I am not saying that my physique
is perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I worry that if it comes to a
point where we have to run to stay alive… I am concerned for Tommy’s ability to
survive. Nevertheless, I consider Tommy to be a valuable member of our team…
Judy
Myers: We have two
“Judies” in our store which I know might be confusing in the narrative from
time to time. It can be difficult for us and we live with both of them. So when
we reference them, they are often differentiated as “Demo Judy” and “Hobbit
Judy.” Hobbit Judy is Judy Myers. And we call her Hobbit Judy because she
clocks in at just under five feet tall and maybe, maybe weighs a hundred
pounds. It’s like working with a sixth grader with incredibly developed
breasts. Okay, that comment makes me sound like a pedophile. I know that sound
boorish for me to even state it but it is the truth. I guess the reason why I
am commenting on it is that Judy always came to work in this blue sleeveless
smock and a work shirt that was not flattering for her at all. So the first
time I saw her just wearing an undershirt, I tried not to stare. And it wasn’t
just me. Luke equated them to cherries on a Barbie doll. On a normal framed
woman, the boobs would be average but with her small frame, even B-cups look
big. Great, so here it is and I have just spent an entire paragraph describing
someone’s boobs when I should be telling you about Judy as a person.
Okay, so Judy worked the HBC section –
which is basically anything not in a specific department and not food. Hair
care products, deodorant, toothpaste, all the miscellaneous impulse buy items
that you would hang on sale strips around the store. All that crap was under
Judy’s jurisdiction and I think that is why she has become the invaluable force
when it comes to our inventory. I think she stepped up and volunteered for the
job to keep her mind occupied and off of the family members that she lost. I
will admit she is not real open about her husband. I know she has kids but I
cannot tell you their ages or how many. I get the impression that Judy started
early having kids and so they are fairly well grown and possibly on their own.
I think she doesn’t talk about them because she cannot deal with thinking that
they are gone. And I have noted that if people do try to talk about them, she
really deftly pirouettes around the conversation and spins it back to the store
inventory. The next thing you know, you are wondering if we do have enough
toilet paper or commenting on how it was smart of Judy in Zero Hour to use
diapers to try to staunch the woods that Diane suffered. She is really good at
coming up with unorthodox uses for common items to make us what we need. She
was the person to come up with how to make lamps out of pop bottles and
flashlights. Her ideas border on brilliant sometimes.
I guess my only qualm about Judy is
that she smokes. I really wish all our smokers would kick that habit but she is
very nice and always goes up to the roof to smoke. She is very thoughtful of
others when it comes to things like that.
Nice boobies, works HBC, think she has
kids, nice enough to smoke outside. I would make a joke about being the perfect
person to eugoogoolizer her but that would just be too much bad karma....
