Yep, kids, it is official. I am
engaged to be married. After a series of long talks and walks on the beach (by
that I mean the Frozen Food Department), Jennifer Brown and I have decided we
are going to get married. Now, I know what you are thinking. You have all see
her pictures. She the hottie with the naughty body. Why is she hooking up with
some jamoke like me?
Well, that catch to it is that she has
to be sixty and unattached at the time. Yes, we are both still free to date and
look for our soul mates and yadda, yadda, yadda. But if we both survive this
apocalypse and are unattached when we are sixty, we have agreed to marry each
other so we don’t die alone. Of course, by then I will be in my seventies. But
I keep telling you, you’ve got to plan ahead, people. You need to figure out
that roadmap or you just wander through life aimlessly. (Remember: It was
planning ahead and looking at the big picture that gave us the Year One Plan.)
I just hope she keeps her figure so I
can show her off as clearly a trophy wife during the “we survived the
apocalypse” book tours. She said that she is totally okay with that as long as
I pay for everything. Sounds like a pretty solid arrangement to me!
Okay, so we are both joking. But it
does draw up some interesting questions. Ask any firefighter. If you are
dealing with a brushfire, you have to make sure that it is extinguished
completely. One lone ember can cause the whole thing to flare back up again and
put you right back in the field to fight again. Zombies are the same way.
We have to crush this menace
completely. If ONE zom is still left un-alive, this whole thing can start back
up again. I am still of the opinion that not knowing what we were dealing with
in the beginning caught us with our pants down. Not just us but humanity as a
whole. I doubt humanity will be caught off guard like this again. How many
bureaucrats in Washington heard the reports of zombie cannibals and didn’t take
it seriously until it was too late?
If some lab has a dozen of these
things locked away for study, there is a chance that a second outbreak could
occur and overwhelm us a second time. There could be one trapped on an
off-shore oil rig waiting for rescuers or a salvage team to arrive. Bingo, it
starts all over again. There could be one trapped in a forgotten basement.
Bango, overnight you’ve got fifty running around Manhattan.
But once the menace is eradicated, how
long until things get back to normal? I know anyone can get married. It doesn’t
take a piece of paper to get married. In a sense, all it takes is two willing
hearts. I guess you probably need a minister, or a justice of the peace, or a
sea captain to perform the ceremony. But how long does it take for society to
get back to the point where we are filing paperwork at the courthouse and
having blood tests performed before the blessed event? Will we ever get back to
that?
I have no idea what happened to the
woman that was technically my wife of whom I was separated. And I don’t mean
the horde separated us. We were living in two separate places. I have no idea
if she is still out there, if she became zombie chow, or if she herself is now
a zombie. So is the slate wiped clean? Does everyone else just start fresh? And
more importantly, what about land ownership? Can I go stake claim to Trump
Tower right now? Is possession still nine-tenths of the law. Because if so, get
the guns and the grenades. We are going on a road trip!
