This entry is more of a public service
announcement. It is for the betterment of your health and those survivors
around you. If you are good and the shambling hordes have come staggering past,
hopefully you did your part and took out more than your fair share of these
walking dead. And if you did, bravo, but now you have a problem. The problem is
that you now have around 150 pounds of rotting meat on your doorstep. What to
do? What to do? Tommy and I were putting our heads together regarding how we
could deal with the problem of the zombie bodies that are stacking up on us
against our doors and across the parking lot and we came up with an idea. Zombie
Barbeque.
It is too hard to distinguish on the
satellite map but just off the Produce Dock are these trailers that Reason’s
keeps to hold extra stock for massive holidays like Fourth of July and Memorial
Day. It is typically pallets of merchandise like charcoal, bottled water, pop,
and items that can afford to bake in 100-degree heat and not get ruined.
We are very lucky in that there were a
few pallets of charcoal that we brought inside to use as necessary. Hunter’s
experience with welding came in pretty handy. We grabbed an acetylene torch in
one of the looting runs and hauled it back here. Cutting holes in the roof and
making vents in the walls of the trailer was pretty quick and easy.
PLEASE KEEP IN MIND: Outside is still
dangerous. Being exposed is still a very legitimate threat to you. We protected
our people as they worked by covering them with snipers on the roof in case any
shambling zoms were attracted by the noise. Near as I can tell, only a few
shots were fired which leads us to believe that Langley is starting to empty
out.
With the trailer prepped, we used
shopping carts, pallet jacks and the forklift to get all the bodies loaded up
and tossed into the empty trailer. We dumped in some old and busted pallet
jacks, some charcoal, and two full bottles of lighter fluid to get things
going. Then we lit the pyre and walked away. Woosh. Easy peasie. Lemon
squeezie.
This may sound gross
and yes, the smell is horrible. But better to burn the bodies and be done with
it than risk a whole host of infection from having dead bodies all lying
around.
Now, depending on the decomposition of
your dead, you need to be mindful. That diseased flesh is still poisonous and
any fluid is potentially infectious. A broken arm, a splinter of bone, it can
easily puncture the skin. You don’t want to be the guy that avoided the
ravenous hordes, outdistanced the shambling throngs, and then got infected
while cleaning up the joint because your finger got pricked on a piece of
tainted bone. (Hmmm. Tainted Bone. I think I have found the name of my band if
we ever make it out of this thing.) When handling the bodies, we often use
chain mail gloves and latex surgical gloves that they used in the meat
department. Because of these precautions, we haven't had a mistake yet.
Something to keep in mind, while
obviously the health concerns and the overwhelming stench needed to be dealt
with, there was a certain intimidation factor for those driving past that may
be up to no good. To see all these zoms lying lifeless in the parking lot with
most of their heads missing is a pretty nice calling card to let people know we
mean business.
Maybe we should do a little Lord of the Flies thing and start leaving some heads on stakes
along our perimeters…
