In Gladiator, there is a line of dialogue about “Death smiles at us
all. All we can do is smile back.” Sometimes it feels like Death is hanging
around, just waiting to pick us off one by one. Back when the world was not
overrun by the shambling hordes, if you went in and sat down with any
therapist, they would tell you that any significant trauma takes you about a
year to get over. Obviously some hurts heal fast than others and it is not like
flipping the light switch when that year anniversary rolls around.
When my mom passed away from cancer,
her fight was short but valiant. From official diagnosis to her passing, it was
a matter of months. So before I even had time to process everything, she was
whisked away for chemo and then the downhill slide started. I remember when the
smallest things would set me off when a memory would come to mind. It could be
something sparked by something simple like a blanket or a Christmas decoration
and those tears would start to well up.
Looking back on the last 257 days,
the loss of Audrey seems like a lifetime ago. The loss of Fred is still very
emotionally painful for me but we were pretty connected as human beings. I am
not taking anything away from people like Shannon or Eric but I don’t know them
as well as I did Fred. If we lost them back in October would I still be as emotionally
upset about their deaths?
The way things went down with the
trash compactor breech was pretty horrible. I cannot imagine it getting much
worse. When things are still and quiet, I can still hear Janet’s screams
echoing in my skull. And I loved Janet. I really did. She was an incredibly
special woman. I don’t have the guts to talk about the situation with Brad or
Kim or even Kasondra to gauge how they are doing.
But do the tragedies surrounding the
deaths of people like Mama Janet and Tommy Holt make us mourn them more or
less?
I mention all of this for two reasons.
As I mentioned on Monday, if we are all going to check out, I think we would
all prefer to go like Judy Savage did. In many ways, she was spared the tragedy
and the pain of being trapped in a pack of zoms. I cannot imagine a much more
horrible way to go than to be torn to pieces by these things.
It does raise a question in my mind.
If a person is suffering from a particularly painful form of cancer, if they
die, you quietly whisper a prayer and you are thankful that their suffering has
ended. If someone is ninety years old, you are kind of expecting that person to
die of old age. If you are rolling the dice, you think, the ninety-year-old is
more likely to kick the bucket than the twenty-year-old college athlete. Are all deaths equal?
I know that death is a part of life. I
get all that. But is this why we mourn the loss of a child more than an adult?
Because they didn’t get a chance to live? And yet, I would think that the death
of child in this world – where they never experience this living nightmare –
would actually be a blessing.
Will we mourn for Janet more than
Judy? Should we be happy that Judy shuffled off this mortal coil in the best
way possible? I mean, wouldn’t be all be
lucky to go out as quickly and cleanly? I am not saying that I am happy that
Judy is dead but I have to admit that she went out clean. We should all be so
lucky, I guess…
