I guess it almost seems cliché to
wish everyone a Happy New Year. And resolutions kind of seem pointless. Get out
of debt doesn’t really seem to be a valid resolution. Quit smoking, cut back on
drinking, lose weight, spend more time with loved ones. All those standard
resolutions that people always talked about this time of year… I guess I really
only have one resolution this year and it is pretty much what EVERYONE’S
resolution should be.
I resolve not to get eaten by
zombies.
Really, everything beyond that is
pretty darn inconsequential. Should I be concerned about my triglycerides?
Probably. But suddenly there seems to be a much larger and much more prevalent
threat to my well-being and it usually bangs against our windows and has fluid
dribbling from every orifice. My previously unhealthy addiction to Monster
Energy Drink and Combos kind of seems to take a back seat.
Now, listen, here is the thing. I
understand that December… Well, no two ways about it. December was a shit
storm. The loss of four members, a breach in our security, and zoms were in our
home. It doesn’t get much worse than that. I made a promise when I took over
for Fred as our leader that we were not going to lose another member to those
wretched things. I was wrong.
But where my failure comes is from
promising something that was beyond my control. No plan is air-tight and even
those brain-undead beasts found a flaw in ours. So now, we need to regroup and
refocus. I feel that by doing that, we will see our crew revitalized. People
need to feel useful. They need to feel like they have a purpose. I think that
is why so many weathermen die shortly after retirement because they don’t have
anything to do anymore.
We got lazy. We got confident. We
got overconfident. Now, it is time to get smarter. And more proactive. So today,
I will be proposing a bold new plan to help keep us safer. It is big. It will
require a lot of hard work. But I feel that hard work will give us purpose and
give us a task to focus on. It is during down time that the depression and
anxiety can set in. Yes, we will be putting ourselves at risk to accomplish
this plan but I feel it is an acceptable risk because of the benefits that we
can achieve to keep us safer. And, don’t worry, we will be chronicling
everything on here for you.
It’s a bold new year. I guess you
can call it 2014 A.D. or whatever year it is on the Jewish calendar or the
Chinese… but maybe a more appropriate number is 0001 A.Z. (After Zombie). 2013 was the year of the zombie because that
was the year that they took over. Now, we just have to make sure that 2014 is
(cue the super heroic theme music here) the year that we take it back. And it
starts right here in Langley, America. Because we have sat back long enough.
It is
time for us to go on the offensive. Join us, brothers, in fighting the good
fight. This is our world and we are taking it back. Starting today.
